Your opinion matters. And yet, sometimes we can’t seem to get it out – especially if we’re disagreeing. So we stay silent. Or we nod along, knowing inside we don’t think what’s been decided is the best approach. We just can’t seem to get the words – the confidence – to say it.
If this is at all familiar to you, you’re not alone. And it doesn’t have to stay this way. You can speak up, say no, and push back in meetings.
The key to doing so is to be committed to sharing your opinion – even when you don’t feel confident. Here are three tips to help.
We don’t need to wait for confidence to come to help us find the words to say.
We just need to be committed to speaking up, no matter what. Build the case for yourself about why you want to start speaking up more, even when it’s hard. When you believe in the value of your commitment, you don’t need to feel confident about what you’re going to say. Because the strength of your commitment to yourself will help you to get talking.
Decide ahead of time that you’ll be there for you, no matter what.
Sometimes what stops us from talking is our imagined worst-case scenario where everyone is laughing at us and we’re humiliated. While we can’t control what others will say or do, we can be there for ourselves no matter what. Plan ahead to support yourself for speaking up, regardless of the outcome. Even if what you say comes out jumbled up and you fall flat on your face, you will still be there for you. Make success mean you spoke. Not that you spoke clearly or perfectly articulate. But that you said something. That you showed up. That you did something that pushed you out of your comfort. When we can be compassionate to ourselves even when we fail, it will help us to speak up again the next time. And the more we do it, the easier it gets.
Use phrases to help set up your positioning.
Have a few phrases identified ahead of time that can help you feel ready to jump into the conversation. For example, starting with, “To play devil’s advocate here…” is a way to invite yourself into the dialogue with you and everyone knowing that you’re about to disagree. It helps ease the conversation into that direction and gives yourself permission to voice your concerns.
Your words have value. But only if they’re voiced. Speaking up is a gift to yourself, to your clients, to your company. So appreciate yourself for the amazing gift you’re giving, even when it doesn’t feel comfortable to give.
But what about when you don’t know what your opinion is? Next week we’ll discuss how to participate even when you’re not clear of your opinion and what to do to rediscover it.
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Written by Lisa Philyaw, M.S. Psychology and Career Confidence Coach. More free resources and trainings on evolving your career with confidence can be found at www.beliefseed.com.